While browsing a pick-up forum the other day I saw this question posted by a user:
Anyone else having problems with consistency? I call it the “Chode Relapse”. As soon as I start getting really really good, I start fearing that I’m going to go back to my old ways. And then this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and I naturally get worse than when I first started out. This has been an issue that I have struggled with for a good 6 months now. Some weeks I’m fucking dynamite but as soon as this happens…I begin to live in my head all over again.
Now looking at the issue he posted about, the obvious solution comes to mind: he needs to focus on the process not the outcome. But that’s not the only thing going on here. Back in 2008 I learned a concept called “Resistance is an emotion” while watching the Blueprint, that had a significant impact on my life going forward, so I thought I would share it with you all today.
The issue the reader talks about is definitely one I’ve dealt with a lot. Certain people (such as ones who have dealt with depression or anxiety disorders) are especially vulnerable to this issue. It will never go away, however, you will learn how to deal with it.
How this applies:
First: Be aware you aren’t worried about a “Chode Relapse”.
Sub-consciously you are having resistance about continued growth, which comes from a fear of your potential. I truly believe the vast majority of people nowadays do not have a fear of failure, but a fear of meeting their potential. It would be naive for ANY person to say they do not have massive potential. That can be a scary thought.
What is the concept “Resistance is an emotion”?
To explain it briefly: Whenever you are having an emotion you do not like, you begin resisting. Take for example Approach Anxiety. Thoughts you will be having include:
“Fuck, I have approach anxiety.”
“Fuck, I’m such a pussy.”
“It’s just a girl man, why do I feel like this?”
… and many more similar to these.
Like I said, all of these thoughts are simply resistance.
You are trying to avoid an emotion by resisting it. This only PROLONGS such emotion.
To give another example: You are trying to sleep, but just can’t seem to do it. So what do you do? You begin to think about how shitty it is you can’t sleep, how you just wish you could sleep, etc. When do you finally fall asleep? When you go “Fuck it, fine, whatever, I guess I won’t sleep then!” and BAM, out like a baby. So what happened here? First, you acknowledged it, instead of resisting. Then you were unreactive, “fine whatever, guess that’s how it is then”, and BAM.
Now what are the three steps to changing any emotion?
- Acceptance. Just accept the emotion for what it is (a chemical imbalance in your body), ie: “I have approach anxiety… ok, I guess I will have it then.”
- Be unreactive. Just let the emotion be. A verbal phrase is you can use is: “Oh well”. ie: “I have approach anxiety… ok, I guess I will have it then, OH WELL!”
- Take positive action towards changing the emotion. Even if it’s something small. ie: “I have approach anxiety… ok, I guess I will have it then, OH WELL… ok, what can I do about it… ok, I can put a smile on my face, or I can go high five someone, or I am going to go open this set, or I can go put water on my face, or I can just take a deep breath, or I can go to the smoke pit, or I can go get a drink of water… etc”
So back to the original issue: being afraid of a Chode Relapse. How does this apply, and how can we deal with it?
Whenever you have the thought “I’m afraid of having a Chode Relapse“, first accept it for what it is; anxiety built up due to a chemical imbalance in your body. Then be unreactive, “OH WELL, I guess I’m going to be a mega chode than”, and lastly, take positive action towards changing it. This could be anything. The main one I seem to use is laughing at myself for how absolutely ridiculous and impossible a “chode relapse” actually is.
So what? You are ACTUALLY going to lose ALL progress you have made? What… You are magically going to lose all this knowledge you have? POOF gone? Hilarious! Sure one could argue some knowledge could fade (become rusty), but it will NEVER go away.
Just laugh it off homies.
Here’s a video blog I did on this topic during the Summer when I was in Denver, Colorado running bootcamps on my 5-week USA tour. Enjoy.