Crisis Management: How to Deal with the Chode Relapse

by Cam

While browsing a pick-up forum the other day I saw this question posted by a user:

Anyone else having problems with consistency? I call it the “Chode Relapse”. As soon as I start getting really really good, I start fearing that I’m going to go back to my old ways. And then this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and I naturally get worse than when I first started out. This has been an issue that I have struggled with for a good 6 months now. Some weeks I’m fucking dynamite but as soon as this happens…I begin to live in my head all over again.

stepsChode” is slang in the pick-up community for “Loser”, someone who “doesn’t get it”, or in other words, a guy who’s acting like a bitch.

Now looking at the issue he posted about, the obvious solution comes to mind: he needs to focus on the process not the outcome. But that’s not the only thing going on here. Back in 2008 I learned a concept called “Resistance is an emotion” while watching the Blueprint, that had a significant impact on my life going forward, so I thought I would share it with you all today.

The issue the reader talks about is definitely one I’ve dealt with a lot. Certain people (such as ones who have dealt with depression or anxiety disorders) are especially vulnerable to this issue. It will never go away, however, you will learn how to deal with it.

How this applies:

First: Be aware you aren’t worried about a “Chode Relapse”.

Sub-consciously you are having resistance about continued growth, which comes from a fear of your potential. I truly believe the vast majority of people nowadays do not have a fear of failure, but a fear of meeting their potential. It would be naive for ANY person to say they do not have massive potential. That can be a scary thought.

What is the concept “Resistance is an emotion”?

To explain it briefly: Whenever you are having an emotion you do not like, you begin resisting. Take for example Approach Anxiety. Thoughts you will be having include:

“Fuck, I have approach anxiety.”
“Fuck, I’m such a pussy.”
“It’s just a girl man, why do I feel like this?”

… and many more similar to these.

Like I said, all of these thoughts are simply resistance.

You are trying to avoid an emotion by resisting it. This only PROLONGS such emotion.

To give another example: You are trying to sleep, but just can’t seem to do it. So what do you do? You begin to think about how shitty it is you can’t sleep, how you just wish you could sleep, etc. When do you finally fall asleep? When you go “Fuck it, fine, whatever, I guess I won’t sleep then!” and BAM, out like a baby. So what happened here? First, you acknowledged it, instead of resisting. Then you were unreactive, “fine whatever, guess that’s how it is then”, and BAM.

relapse

Now what are the three steps to changing any emotion?

  1. Acceptance. Just accept the emotion for what it is (a chemical imbalance in your body), ie: “I have approach anxiety… ok, I guess I will have it then.”
  2. Be unreactive. Just let the emotion be. A verbal phrase is you can use is: “Oh well”. ie: “I have approach anxiety… ok, I guess I will have it then, OH WELL!”
  3. Take positive action towards changing the emotion. Even if it’s something small. ie: “I have approach anxiety… ok, I guess I will have it then, OH WELL… ok, what can I do about it… ok, I can put a smile on my face, or I can go high five someone, or I am going to go open this set, or I can go put water on my face, or I can just take a deep breath, or I can go to the smoke pit, or I can go get a drink of water… etc”

So back to the original issue: being afraid of a Chode Relapse. How does this apply, and how can we deal with it?

Whenever you have the thought “I’m afraid of having a Chode Relapse“, first accept it for what it is; anxiety built up due to a chemical imbalance in your body. Then be unreactive, “OH WELL, I guess I’m going to be a mega chode than”, and lastly, take positive action towards changing it. This could be anything. The main one I seem to use is laughing at myself for how absolutely ridiculous and impossible a “chode relapse” actually is.

So what? You are ACTUALLY going to lose ALL progress you have made? What… You are magically going to lose all this knowledge you have? POOF gone? Hilarious! Sure one could argue some knowledge could fade (become rusty), but it will NEVER go away.

Just laugh it off homies.

Here’s a video blog I did on this topic during the Summer when I was in Denver, Colorado running bootcamps on my 5-week USA tour. Enjoy.

About Cam
Cam Adair is a Motivational Speaker who dares you to live a life you're proud of. Watch his TEDx talks on Escaping Video Game Addiction and The Surprising Truth About Rejection. Follow him on Instagram. He is the Founder of Game Quitters, a support community for those who struggle with a gaming problem.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Myke Macapinlac October 18, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Love the post Cam,

I could totally relate to this. It’s about becoming, not being “The Man.” Always remembering that I, myself, am always a student and should never forget the process that got me where I am today.

Miss you already! Hope you’re enjoying Tufino <3

Cam October 18, 2011 at 1:32 pm

HAAHAHHA it’s Tofino bro. You’re so asian hahahaha. Love you.

This is Awful October 19, 2011 at 1:10 am

This Kingpin advice column (or whatever it is) is extremely painful to look at. How can you be taken seriously and claim to be honest and original when every single image used on your wordpress site is stolen from a search engine and is generic as you can get. Your layouts and colors are bland, the typeface’s make us all cringe. Why should I spend my time reading any further. I shouldn’t. You guys are generic and not worth my time.

Alex October 19, 2011 at 7:43 am

First I like to say I’ve been loving this blog: I was first attracted here by the how to quite video games article and stuck around when I saw that everything here is exactly where I’m at right now. Thank you guys for giving you time a knowledge freely.
Secondly in response to this is awful – I always love when people criticize something without using their own name, speaks volumes – I don’t come here to see a pretty website and I don’t think anyone else does either. This isn’t a web design tutorial or photography site: its a resource to help people grow and become better more happy people. Judging by how you feel the need to anonymously troll these guys about totally irrelevant things tells me you probably need their advice as much as any of us. I’m being sincere, ready yesterdays post – the one with the tiger picture that is probably from Google or photobucket – it is very enlightening and if you apply those idea will bring you much happiness.

Cam October 19, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Hey Alex. Thanks for taking the time to comment and add your feedback. You really nailed it. This site is a resource to help people grow and become better HAPPY people. If that isn’t what someone is interested in, than they won’t hang around and that’s ok with everyone. The people that do stick around will grow and live more fulfilling lives because of it. Even though I write for the blog, I learn just as much from it as every other reader. I’m it’s biggest fan.

Hope to see you comment again. πŸ™‚

Brian October 19, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Thanks for commenting Alex! You’re the man. Also very insightful.

I’d also like to thank “This is Awful” for commenting. If we have haters, it means we’re doing something right. The ego that lives in the present moment points out the insecurities in others to avoid the finger being pointed at itself, so anyone that’s hating on our sight realizes that our site has the potential to make them grow, but they’re scared of the potential. In that, they point out our insecurities.

So thank you, and I hope you keep posting. I hope you continue to read our site, and continue to find flaws in it. Know that each flaw that you find in our site though, you find a flaw in yourself. πŸ™‚

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