“Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea. Here: Take some of this.” “But that doesn’t help with menstrual cramping!!”
Babies are born in the world as neutral. They are a genetic combination of their parents, without opinions, perspectives, or biases. However, immediately following that event, we become products of our environments, picking up on the beliefs, values, opinions, perspectives and biases of those that surround us whilst combining them with our personal experiences. This process is merely a fact of life.
But our genetics do, obviously, still play a part in our daily lives. I realized, albeit perhaps a little too late, that there are certain things in life that men and women just cannot agree on. It isn’t anyone’s fault – there are, to put it simply, particular life experiences that women have and men don’t, and vice versa.
This concept dawned on me following a series of events from this past weeks Ideas Developing Ideas event. Kevin Choo, a brilliant man who I’m proud to call a friend, and I got together for warm beverages. We discussed how to gain more interest and involvement in the Social Dynamics Movement, particularly from women. However, my creativity encountered a block when the darling man in my life and I entered into a lover’s quarrel, of sorts.
For me, writing has always been my creative outlet but I’ve had confidence issues when others read my work. But now, for the first time in my life, I’m surrounded by people who know, understand, appreciate and love me for simply being myself. I no longer have to hide my talents or intellect nor do I have to pretend I’m the cold-hearted person I was once believed to be. This kind of freedom is unbelievable. Yet, it comes with its own issues.
I’ve always strongly disliked serious arguments and, even more-so the idea that someone important to me may no longer be there anymore after the argument has ended. Nobody likes uncertainties but as a once seriously insecure woman, I’m the first to admit that no matter how wonderful someone is to me, or how important I am to them, I have a hard time accepting when they don’t just want to fulfill their primal desires. Understanding this about myself has allowed me to overcome a plethora of things as well as understand that multitudes of other women feel the same way. They feel objectified. This leads us back to my discussion with Kevin. Perhaps fewer women are involved in Social Dynamics because of this gender bias. (But understand this: Social Dynamics applies for Women the exact same as Men, it literally changes your life.)
Women believe, for the most part, that men only want to better their “game”, not themselves as a whole. I’m here to tell you that just because you’ve been burned doesn’t mean the world is on fire. Dating coaches and similar coaches in the self-help industry, don’t simply teach people how to up their game; they teach them the fundamental skills of communication and relationships. What woman doesn’t want a man that can openly communicate with them and help build the relationship in more positive ways? I’m fairly certain that’s rhetorical.
People say “you are what you eat.” That sentiment applies to so much more than just caloric intake. You are what you attract as well. Embodied in yourself are all of the positive, and negative qualities that you come to love and hate in those around you. It is for this reason that solely relying on a group of similar people, with similar issues and sticking points cannot help each other as effectively, simply because they share similar perspectives. Having said that, the beauty of people is that perspectives can change thus so can the people you attract. (If you tend to attract crazy people, here’s why.)
Kevin and the rest of the Kingpin Social crew are out to help people who want to help themselves in a judgment-free area with no gender biases. Women are more than welcome to equally benefit from their collective talents as men are. The only difference is this: If everything from men to women is comprehended as sexualized, women immediately get their defenses up. For better or worse. However, the key to understanding the opposite gender is to be comfortable and confident enough to talk to them about things directly. Some might find that a terrifying concept but it is those people that benefit the most from those situations.
The point of the matter is that society emphasizes the differences between men and women. I’m not the first and I certainly will not be the last person to point out that society is flawed. If you honestly evaluate those that are close to you, you’ll find that it is not the gender of a person that determines who that person is; it is his or her character. Gender biases are, primarily, just another defense mechanism that we put in place to protect ourselves. Reality is: Men and Women really aren’t that different. If we understand that we are products of the environment we choose to immerse ourselves in than life gets that much simpler.
My challenge is this: Take a chance. Put yourself out there, even if that means leaving your comfort zone. Have meaningful conversations and connect with others. Acknowledge the obstacles in your life and take steps to overcome them. Regardless of what gender you are, change your environment so that it more accurately reflects who you are in the deepest part of your being. By doing this, you make it that much easier to just be yourself.
Live – Learn – Believe.