Create Better First Dates

by Brian

guy flirting with girlYou feel your Ipod earphones stroke the side of your cheek. “Love the Way You Lie” plays in your headphones as you walk through the fresh fruit section of Safeway. Past the bananas, towards the oranges, you start to feel your heart beat a bit faster. Anxiety creeps up on you, with each step closer that you take to the citrus fruits. Standing in front of them is a cutie, carrying a unique swagger with her shopping cart. This is what you learned Social Dynamics for, champ!

You start a conversation with the cutie, sparking her interest with positivity and genuine intent. She can tell that you’re not trying to mask any of your emotions, you’re being up front and honest with your intentions. In the moment, enough positive emotion exist in the interaction for the exchange of phone numbers. You leave the grocery store with bananas, Sarah’s number and Fruit Loops.

Understanding the fundamentals of text and phone conversations is important, you send her a text to let her know who it is right away. This sets you up for success when you call her the next day. The conversation goes well, and you two agree to meet up at 8pm tonight. You tell her the place, you tell her the time and she agrees to meet you there.

The Typical Date

The typical first date lands at dinner and a movie. Why is this a terrible idea? You don’t know someone, yet you’re going to sit across from them for an hour and a half over a dinner that’s too expensive, at a restaurant that you wouldn’t usually find yourself. Makes for a potentially awkward meal conversation. Then, you head to a movie for 2 hours, told to “shhh” up, while you sit in the dark next to a stranger who you’re trying to build a connection with.

rejection

After all that awesomeness, you drive her home, prepare for the big move, and go for it as you drop her off. She tells you that she had a good time, but she’s not feeling it.

I wonder why those are bad dates…?

The First Date

On Kingpin Lifestyle, we’ve talked a bit about where to go on first dates, but we’ve never told you how to rock them. Your first date should always be set up so that your actions are in line with your intentions. If you are looking for short term, external connections (hook ups) and you know that she is too, your date should be set up like that.

An external, short term connection would be a date going out for drinks, than bouncing her back to your place. The reason that I outline this, is that a lot of guys who don’t know how to create long – lasting connections, but they try to, use this date formula for all of their dates. As a generality, the aura that this date creates is a sexual one, and relationships that start physical, usually end physical.

The first date with the intention of creating positive emotions is the best kind of date, for short term or long term connections. The first date should always be fun, always be interactive, and always be in multiple venues.

The Ideal Date

The ideal first date should be an experience, and it should be interactive. The first reason that having an interactive first date is so important, is because before she will open up to you, she needs to know that she can have fun with you. Preparation for a fun date is one of those elements that will set you up for success in the Fun department, and if the date is fun and you’re being open and honest about yourself, you can’t lose.

The second reason that having an interactive first date is so important, is because now the stress is alleviated off of the conversation. When two strangers are sitting down across from each other at a dinner table, it can be potentially awkward when the silence comes. You eliminate this chance for potential awkwardness by having something other than conversation that the two of you can focus on. When it goes silent, that’s the time you throw the frisbee.

The last thing you should keep in mind when planning your ideal first date, is to have it in multiple places. The more you walk around, the better. The more of an experience that you create. Escape the mundane; even if the two of you go to Starbucks don’t sit down over coffee. Go for a walk, go window shopping, go people watching. If you’re going to go Laser Tagging, go out for McDonalds Ice Cream Cones afterwards.

good date

Don’t stress about making the “big move”. If she had a blast with you, and you escalated (verbally or physically) than making the move is irrelevant at the end of the date. If you’re a cool guy, and you’ve got a lifestyle worth being a part of, and she had a good time with you, she’ll hang out with you again. You want to focus on making this girl a friend, while maintaining the possibility of a physical connection (if this is your intention).

The date doesn’t have to be expensive. It should be fun, interactive and an experience.

Ideas for Dates

My personal favorite ideas for creating experiences are Frisbee, walks in the park, stand up comedy, bowling, laser tag, billiards. If you’ve got any cool date ideas for being fun and interactive, post them up! Open for ideas. The best way to blow that cutie standing in front of the oranges away, is to bring her on a date that she won’t forget. This means that she has to have the most fun with you. Set yourself up for success by planning a fun, interactive date that creates an experience she can’t forget.

About Brian
Brian is a firm believer in living in the present. Brian lives his life by the philosophy “Act for the future, not because of the past.” He is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. Read more about Brian here.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Richard April 26, 2012 at 2:05 am

Lovely, so much information!
Thanks a lot for this 🙂

Brian April 27, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Glad you liked it Richard! Thanks for stopping by to comment.

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