Aloha! I am currently on a family vacation for the holidays on the beautiful island of Maui, Hawaii. I hope everyone enjoyed their time off with friends and family. This trip has given me a lot of insight in so many ways… but the biggest thing I’ve taken away thus far was from a connection I made with one of the locals.
On Monday evening I went to Kihei’s friendly neighbourhood Starbucks (yes there’s only one,) it’s heavily AC’d and severely lacking work tables. I managed to get a table using the powers of Social Dynamics, and made a new friend in the process. I offered this gentleman my chair so we could both be close to the adapter; he took this moment to compliment me on my hat and asked where I was from. Little did I know this simple gesture would launch us into a two hour conversation where I would end up leaving with a new friend and some great life advice.
I learnt a lot of great advice in multiple facets that make up our lives. My friend has lived an incredible life all over the world and I took his time very seriously as he was gracious enough to open up and share with me about his life. I think people show up in your life to teach you something, including the people you see on the bus every day, your cashier; everyone has value to give you if you allow them the opportunity to do so by creating that initial conversation. I think that Oscar, the Italiano Mexican entrepreneur, had came into my life to share his story so that I could share it with others. Let me paint you a picture of my friend Oscar. He is in his 50’s but still very handsome and has a unique style. He wore a dark fedora hat with feathers, a colorful scarf around his neck, deep black v tee shirt with suspenders and shorts. I thought he was French but learnt that he is in fact from Barcelona and is half Mexican and half Italian. His exuberant style matched his incredibly infectious disposition. Friendly and incredibly sincere he shared with me how he grew up and showed me pictures of his two beautiful daughters and grandchild before delving into his advice about dating and marriage.
Social Dynamics is about creating lasting connections. His advice on the “4 things you need to look for in a man or woman” seems most ideal to share here. I have to say I was definitely intrigued when he asked me the 4 things that I looked for in a man. I respectively said “He needs to be ambitious but driven enough to complete the things he wants to accomplish. He also needs to value a healthy diet and active lifestyle as I am really active and really hard to eat with.” Oscar looks at me while mixing together his three languages of Italian, Spanish and English…”You’re 100% wrong.” Wrong? I was slightly offended. How can I be wrong about the things I want?
“I will tell you the 4 things you need in a man or woman if you want to have a healthy long-lasting relationship. These are important factors that you need in a husband or wife. Write this down.” Here is what he told me.
- What they say, they do.
INTEGRITY is paramount. It is linked to self worth within that individual and it builds trust. Someone who isn’t integral is more likely to be dishonest or to never follow through on their commitments. Integrity and HONESTY are huge key factors in building a lasting relationship. So look for a partner that follows through with what they say.
This could range from someone who has an excellent education or is smart in other ways of life. Ultimately it comes down to being with someone who challenges you and pushes you to be better. Someone who keeps you on your toes, and keeps things fresh and exciting.
Of course! A strong emotional connection is an important factor in building a sustainable relationship. You must be able to connect with your partner on an internal level for it to with-stand time. This is why they say best friends tend to make great partnerships as they have a strong foundation on an emotional level. Love can be defined in so many ways and only you can really determine what it feels like or looks like in a partnership.
- Physical Connection.
Aside from having a strong emotional connection it is also paramount that you have a strong physical attraction. This is then broken down into two conditions. The external image isn’t everything but being physically attracted to your partner is very important long-term.
(i) Good Physical Condition: Not only for sex appeal or “eye candy” but because someone who is in physically good condition can perform better sexually. In general someone who is in good physical shape has better stamina and hygiene.
(ii) “Make Good Sex”: What he means here is learn what the other needs sexually in order for them to have maximum satisfaction. If your partner isn’t getting what they need sexually then they will likely look outside of the relationship in order to find it. This comes to teaching each other what you need, or asking, and taking time to educate yourself in different facets of sexual health. This is also why it’s important to be secure with yourself.